suddenly i just wanna get away

suddenly feel very emo. haha.

sometimes feel like just giving up.

so much to do. so much to change. so much of me that i am not pleased about. how imperfect i am.

how far away i am from God.

how hard He is chasing me.

how im just taking Him for granted.

how much i know He loves me that i know i can't perceive - sounds contradicting eh? (no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared)

maybe this trip will do me good. get away from singapore. get away from the pressures im facing. get away from this air that's suffocating me. get away from thoughts in my head that tell me that i can't measure up. get away from comparing myself to others. get away from my emo-ness. get away from my obsession. get away. just get away la.

God, i want freedom to just worship You. to just know You for who You are. not because i feel guilty of not spending time with You. I want to love You. Just simply love You. help me to lead this life of worship You've called me to. not just as a worship leader, but really leading a life of worship that pleases You. I don't wanna put up a flawless performance anymore (Psalm 51:16-17 The Message). I'm such a weakling, God, only You know.

Help me to become that frozen rose that You told Joanna about me, that is defrosting, letting the ice shards fall to the ground, blooming into full color, full of Your love. Help me to become that lioness that roars with courage and beauty. Help me to be strong.