For the first time in many months, I've stayed in on a Saturday. For the past 2 years, it was always filled with either church/YA/vox/family gatherings/school. But today, I finally got to stay in and get a breather away from everything else. All because of a sore throat that came back from last week. must be a CNY relapse.

gosh. there's a million things to ponder about, to talk to God about. another thousand things to do. how i wish i can just go back to svc as per normal. how i wish that i can just serve in Gkidz without having to sacrifice going to svc. is there a deeper need? a deeper issue? i thought going to svc is something that one should not have to sacrifice. and gosh i bet people are going to criticize me for being self-centered. or criticize the church for putting in place this new system. i don't know anymore and i don't want to sound like i'm complaining. i just feel like something has been taken away from me. like i've lost something important. it's as simple as that. don't make it more complicated please. everything else is already complex enough with this eccentric mind of mine, analyzing every occurrence, every bit of information, more than the normal human mind.

onto another subject matter - love.

i claim that i wanna stay away from it. truth is, i do want to know what it could be like. but horror stories of what could happen and all the heartache that it can bring is enough to strike fear in my heart. so i've come to a conclusion that it's best to stay away from it for now. God, help me to know and be forever satisfied by Your perfect love, even when love comes my way. For now, Your love is the air as it has always been, for the past two decades. Thank for reminding me 7 times with the same phrase this past 2 weeks.