Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Another day of tiredness. God, turn my weakness into strength! God, wash away all my exhaustion! God, thank You for all the positivity You inject in me. Thank You for all good things and bad. God, remind me of Your presence every day. God, I want to remember that You are always next to me, cheering me on. I want to enjoy You, walking with You.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Numbed heart.
Today I realized that my heart has been numb for sometime. I've gotten used to being resigned to a mentality that I will probably not get married because I'm fat. My heart has become numb because it feels trapped and feels like it cannot like someone and that no one will love it in return. It feels numb because I've not let it be loved.
God has knocked on this numbed heart everyday but I chose to shut Him out because I want another kind of love. I simply don't understand how I can be satisfied by Him and Him alone or how I can love Him before anything else.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul and all your strength. How?
God, teach this moron.
Monday, September 21, 2009
95 questions.
1. Who is your best friend(s)?
- Errrr. Hmmm i think no one is. hahaa. gosh that sounds sad. but i've got tons of good friends!
2. If someone were to tell you they like you right now, would you care?
- Haha um, it depends on who the person is.
3. Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
- Hmm not so much lately cos he's busy.
4. Where did you last sleep other than your house?
- Hmm do taxis count? I do that a lot.
5. Do you have a best friend?
- This question is kinda redundant since it was already asked but never mind I shall entertain you. I think only one being in this world really knows me enough to want to stay as my best friend. My God.
6. Do you smoke?
- No way.
7. Do you remember what you were like when you were a kid?
- Haha I think so. I craved for attention from my family, especially my grandpa and would love it whenever he carries me in his lap.
8. Can you vote for the next election?
- Cos I can, but I never have to :S
9. What are you listening to?
- Sleep by Azure Ray
10. When will your next kiss be?
- Haha I doubt it will be soon.
11. Who do you want to see right now?
- No one.
12. Ever have a sleepover with the opposite sex?
- Haha never.
13. When did your last hug take place?
- Hmmm 2 days ago?
14. Do you date smart people?
- Why not?
15. Where were you at 2:02pm this afternoon?
- Having lunch with fellow GKidz leaders.
16. What does the last text in your phone says?
- One of my GKidz girls telling me she's coming to church today.
17. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
- Moderate.
18. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
- I think never.
19. Who did you last eat with?
- Myself.
20. Do you text alot?
- Moderate.
21. How old will you be in 13 months?
- That's a secret I'll never tell, xoxo.
22. When is the last time you tattooed?
- Never.
23. If you like that person will you talk about your feelings or hide them?
- I've done both before. I have learnt to be scared of expressing my feelings to the person I like. It never works.
24. Do you wear glasses?
- Yes.
25. What are you looking forward to in the next month?
- Off days!
26. Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
- I doubt it.
27. What color shirt are you wearing?
- White.
28. Do you have a reason to smile right now?
- No.
29. If you won a lot of money on the lottery, what would you buy first?
- A ticket to the US so that I can run away from of all these.
30. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with? What was it about?
- Uhhh about church?
31. Who was driving the last car you were in?
- Eunice.
32. Who was the last person that called you?
- My sister.
33. What are you craving right now?
- Ice-cream of any red berry flavor.
34. What if you married the last person you kissed?
- Problem is I've never been kissed or kissed anyone seriously before.
35. What are you excited about?
- Nothing.
36. Ever kissed your number 1 fan on facebook?
- Haha I don't have one.
37. When was the last time you cried? And why?
- Today? Was touched by God.
39. Is there one person who can make you feel better no matter what?
-Yeap. God.
40. Last person you hugged?
- My mum.
41. What were you doing at 2:00 am last night?
- Watching Ugly Betty.
42. Have you cried today?
- Yes, already said.
43. What bed did you sleep in last night?
- Huh my bed lor.
44. Are you currently frustrated with a girl/guy?
- Nope, why waste my time anymore?
45. Ever talked to someone that was high?
- Uh. What do u mean?
46. Does it snow where you live?
- No, too bad.
47. When is the next time you will see your grandma?
- Never.
48. Have you kissed or hugged someone today?
- Nope.
49. Will you be married in the next two years ?
- I've no idea.
50. Have you ever wanted someone you thought that you couldn't have?
- Haha yes.
51. Are you in a relationship, single, complicated, married, or engaged?
- Single.
52. How have you felt today ?
- Confused.
53. Do you like your name?
- I've grown to love it since 11 years ago.
54. Are you happy at the moment?
- Nope.
55. What were you doing at 10:00pm last night ?
- Online doing/watching something I can't remember.
56. Last person who drove you somewhere (besides your parents) ?
- Eunice/taxi driver that I don't know.
57. Ever kissed someone in a closet?
- Uh never.
58. Do you live alone ?
- No. I wish.
59. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you can talk to?
- Uh huh.
60. Are you crazy ?
- I think so.
61. Who was the last person to call you Darling?
- Uh probably my mum who must have been making fun of me while calling me that.
62. How has this past week been for you?
- Tiring.
63. Last thing you drank ?
- Water.
64. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
- Absolutely.
65. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
- I don't think I can even though I wish I could.
66. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be?
- Mermaid please.
67. What do you normally order when you're at McDonald's?
- Fillet-O-Fish.
68. Last book you read?
- Bible.
69. Describe your mood.
- Sianed out.
70. Describe the last time you were injured?
- Twisted ankle.
71. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?
- Reina. We can talk forever haha.
72. Rock concert or symphony?
- Rock concert please.
73. Do you like taking the MRT?
- Ok la.
74. If you could only use a form of transportation, what would it be?
- Haha flying!
75. What's your favorite kind of cake?
- Chocolate praline.
76. Look 20 degrees to your left, what do you see?
- An envelope containing my Snow Leopard installation CD.
77. Do you untie your shoes when you take it off?
- No. Too lazy.
78. Do you buy your own groceries?
- Sometimes.
79. What's your favorite fruit?
- Honeydew melon/durian.
80. Do you like running long distances?
- NO.
81. Have you ever eaten snow?
- Nope, but I can imagine it.
82. What color are your bedsheet?
- Yellow, red, brown.
83. Do you hate someone very badly at this moment?
- Think so.
84. Do you watch Spongebob?
- Used to.
85. What temperature is it outside right now?
- 20-25 degrees.
86. Do you consider yourself smart?
- Uh huh.
87. How many piercings do you have?
-2.
88. What language do you speak at home?
- english and mandarin.
89. How do you feel about your family?
- They deserve more.
90. What time did you go to bed yesterday?
- 3-4am?
91. What CD is currently in your CD player?
- I don't play CDs anymore. They get RIPPED once they are taken out of the CD jacket.. muahaha.
92. What do you want for Christmas this year?
- A promotion.
93. Favorite ice-cream?
- Strawberry.
94. What's the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name?
- "Shoo-ting" / "AH-ree-yell"
95. Lastly, what's your favorite color?
- Blue.
- Errrr. Hmmm i think no one is. hahaa. gosh that sounds sad. but i've got tons of good friends!
2. If someone were to tell you they like you right now, would you care?
- Haha um, it depends on who the person is.
3. Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
- Hmm not so much lately cos he's busy.
4. Where did you last sleep other than your house?
- Hmm do taxis count? I do that a lot.
5. Do you have a best friend?
- This question is kinda redundant since it was already asked but never mind I shall entertain you. I think only one being in this world really knows me enough to want to stay as my best friend. My God.
6. Do you smoke?
- No way.
7. Do you remember what you were like when you were a kid?
- Haha I think so. I craved for attention from my family, especially my grandpa and would love it whenever he carries me in his lap.
8. Can you vote for the next election?
- Cos I can, but I never have to :S
9. What are you listening to?
- Sleep by Azure Ray
10. When will your next kiss be?
- Haha I doubt it will be soon.
11. Who do you want to see right now?
- No one.
12. Ever have a sleepover with the opposite sex?
- Haha never.
13. When did your last hug take place?
- Hmmm 2 days ago?
14. Do you date smart people?
- Why not?
15. Where were you at 2:02pm this afternoon?
- Having lunch with fellow GKidz leaders.
16. What does the last text in your phone says?
- One of my GKidz girls telling me she's coming to church today.
17. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
- Moderate.
18. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
- I think never.
19. Who did you last eat with?
- Myself.
20. Do you text alot?
- Moderate.
21. How old will you be in 13 months?
- That's a secret I'll never tell, xoxo.
22. When is the last time you tattooed?
- Never.
23. If you like that person will you talk about your feelings or hide them?
- I've done both before. I have learnt to be scared of expressing my feelings to the person I like. It never works.
24. Do you wear glasses?
- Yes.
25. What are you looking forward to in the next month?
- Off days!
26. Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
- I doubt it.
27. What color shirt are you wearing?
- White.
28. Do you have a reason to smile right now?
- No.
29. If you won a lot of money on the lottery, what would you buy first?
- A ticket to the US so that I can run away from of all these.
30. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with? What was it about?
- Uhhh about church?
31. Who was driving the last car you were in?
- Eunice.
32. Who was the last person that called you?
- My sister.
33. What are you craving right now?
- Ice-cream of any red berry flavor.
34. What if you married the last person you kissed?
- Problem is I've never been kissed or kissed anyone seriously before.
35. What are you excited about?
- Nothing.
36. Ever kissed your number 1 fan on facebook?
- Haha I don't have one.
37. When was the last time you cried? And why?
- Today? Was touched by God.
39. Is there one person who can make you feel better no matter what?
-Yeap. God.
40. Last person you hugged?
- My mum.
41. What were you doing at 2:00 am last night?
- Watching Ugly Betty.
42. Have you cried today?
- Yes, already said.
43. What bed did you sleep in last night?
- Huh my bed lor.
44. Are you currently frustrated with a girl/guy?
- Nope, why waste my time anymore?
45. Ever talked to someone that was high?
- Uh. What do u mean?
46. Does it snow where you live?
- No, too bad.
47. When is the next time you will see your grandma?
- Never.
48. Have you kissed or hugged someone today?
- Nope.
49. Will you be married in the next two years ?
- I've no idea.
50. Have you ever wanted someone you thought that you couldn't have?
- Haha yes.
51. Are you in a relationship, single, complicated, married, or engaged?
- Single.
52. How have you felt today ?
- Confused.
53. Do you like your name?
- I've grown to love it since 11 years ago.
54. Are you happy at the moment?
- Nope.
55. What were you doing at 10:00pm last night ?
- Online doing/watching something I can't remember.
56. Last person who drove you somewhere (besides your parents) ?
- Eunice/taxi driver that I don't know.
57. Ever kissed someone in a closet?
- Uh never.
58. Do you live alone ?
- No. I wish.
59. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you can talk to?
- Uh huh.
60. Are you crazy ?
- I think so.
61. Who was the last person to call you Darling?
- Uh probably my mum who must have been making fun of me while calling me that.
62. How has this past week been for you?
- Tiring.
63. Last thing you drank ?
- Water.
64. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
- Absolutely.
65. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
- I don't think I can even though I wish I could.
66. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be?
- Mermaid please.
67. What do you normally order when you're at McDonald's?
- Fillet-O-Fish.
68. Last book you read?
- Bible.
69. Describe your mood.
- Sianed out.
70. Describe the last time you were injured?
- Twisted ankle.
71. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?
- Reina. We can talk forever haha.
72. Rock concert or symphony?
- Rock concert please.
73. Do you like taking the MRT?
- Ok la.
74. If you could only use a form of transportation, what would it be?
- Haha flying!
75. What's your favorite kind of cake?
- Chocolate praline.
76. Look 20 degrees to your left, what do you see?
- An envelope containing my Snow Leopard installation CD.
77. Do you untie your shoes when you take it off?
- No. Too lazy.
78. Do you buy your own groceries?
- Sometimes.
79. What's your favorite fruit?
- Honeydew melon/durian.
80. Do you like running long distances?
- NO.
81. Have you ever eaten snow?
- Nope, but I can imagine it.
82. What color are your bedsheet?
- Yellow, red, brown.
83. Do you hate someone very badly at this moment?
- Think so.
84. Do you watch Spongebob?
- Used to.
85. What temperature is it outside right now?
- 20-25 degrees.
86. Do you consider yourself smart?
- Uh huh.
87. How many piercings do you have?
-2.
88. What language do you speak at home?
- english and mandarin.
89. How do you feel about your family?
- They deserve more.
90. What time did you go to bed yesterday?
- 3-4am?
91. What CD is currently in your CD player?
- I don't play CDs anymore. They get RIPPED once they are taken out of the CD jacket.. muahaha.
92. What do you want for Christmas this year?
- A promotion.
93. Favorite ice-cream?
- Strawberry.
94. What's the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name?
- "Shoo-ting" / "AH-ree-yell"
95. Lastly, what's your favorite color?
- Blue.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
I'm trying to make a clean break here. But somehow I can't seem to. I just wanna cut it all off. i wanna get out of it. don't ever wanna see what i don't wanna see again. but i can't seem to.
why is it that we are always the ones who are hit the most? why is it not them?
God, i'm snipping it off. but this pair of scissors is too blunt. why do u put it right there and yet take it away?
This week I also realized that i'm too soft with kids. i give in to them too easily and i don't follow through with what i say many a time. i just find it hard to deal with conflict. i run. not just with kids. but with adults as well. with friends. i tend to just compromise on what i really think is best, keep my mouth shut even if i dont think it's right, and lie to the person's face, for the sake of avoiding conflict and for the sake of not wanting to displease the person. with kids, i'm scared that they will cry, or that they will not like me. God, i know that this is an area that You are working on in me. Help me to understand why i'm like this, so that I can change. I don't like this side of me. I want to be myself.
why is it that we are always the ones who are hit the most? why is it not them?
God, i'm snipping it off. but this pair of scissors is too blunt. why do u put it right there and yet take it away?
This week I also realized that i'm too soft with kids. i give in to them too easily and i don't follow through with what i say many a time. i just find it hard to deal with conflict. i run. not just with kids. but with adults as well. with friends. i tend to just compromise on what i really think is best, keep my mouth shut even if i dont think it's right, and lie to the person's face, for the sake of avoiding conflict and for the sake of not wanting to displease the person. with kids, i'm scared that they will cry, or that they will not like me. God, i know that this is an area that You are working on in me. Help me to understand why i'm like this, so that I can change. I don't like this side of me. I want to be myself.
Monday, May 11, 2009
First day of the week. Been quite good. All thanks to the One above. Was so sian about having to get up this morning (like any other day) to go to work. Had no idea why but was just dreading have to face another week of work. It's not that I don't like my work but the thought of having to repeat old programs with the 2 boys and them being uncompliant just makes me not want to move an inch from my comfy bed.
After getting ready and stuff, I spent sometime just talking to God, praying in tongues and talking to Him. I found myself just unburdening and carrying all my worries and anxiety to Him and hearing from Him that I should pray for the kids. As I talked and worshipped Him, I realized that the tiredness and the spirit of not wanting to work just went away. God is good. And today's not too bad after all! The boys were pretty compliant as compared to usual and both are progressing well! :) God, draw me nearer to You everyday. Help me to be a joy to the people around me as I come into contact with them everyday.
After getting ready and stuff, I spent sometime just talking to God, praying in tongues and talking to Him. I found myself just unburdening and carrying all my worries and anxiety to Him and hearing from Him that I should pray for the kids. As I talked and worshipped Him, I realized that the tiredness and the spirit of not wanting to work just went away. God is good. And today's not too bad after all! The boys were pretty compliant as compared to usual and both are progressing well! :) God, draw me nearer to You everyday. Help me to be a joy to the people around me as I come into contact with them everyday.
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