Numbed heart.

Today I realized that my heart has been numb for sometime. I've gotten used to being resigned to a mentality that I will probably not get married because I'm fat. My heart has become numb because it feels trapped and feels like it cannot like someone and that no one will love it in return. It feels numb because I've not let it be loved.

God has knocked on this numbed heart everyday but I chose to shut Him out because I want another kind of love. I simply don't understand how I can be satisfied by Him and Him alone or how I can love Him before anything else.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul and all your strength. How?

God, teach this moron.