was just thinking through abt work. and i realized that i'm a very controlling person. i need to do materials my way because i'm afraid that my colleagues will end up doing something that i don't like, or spoiling the entire thing. (i guess i'm a perfectionist as well)

and i'm not just controlling at work. but how i deal with people in general. they must do things my way. it's either my way or i don't bother at all. and if u see that i don't bother at all, it can only mean two things. it's something that doesn't matter to me at all OR that i've given up.

i guess i'm an all or nothing person. if i really do care about something, i'd give my world to do anything for it. if not, i'm sorry, it's adios baby.

and if i really do care about something, i would do everything i can in my capacity to accomplish or complete the matter. unless it's something that i've tried so hard for so long and nothing has come to fruition. i'd give up.

and i don't know what God has to say about this. that i'm still unwilling to give up control over many things in life to Him? i think so too. i'm scared. i'm unable to let go. i can't. i don't want to yet. that's just how it is. let me be.

and i don't know how but people just manage to piss me off so easily. whatever s*** man.