growing up

I just realized that I'm turning 21 this year in August, but it just doesn't feel right. Somehow I feel that my mentality is stuck at my secondary school days - like I'm still 16 and jumping around. 21 is getting very heavy for me - I don't want to take up responsibility for things that I didn't have to last time. Everyone thinks I'm this happy-go-lucky girl. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. I don't know anymore. Sometimes I think I know who I am, sometimes I keep guessing. Even at 20, I am still searching for missing parts of my identity. But without a doubt, I know that I am a child of God.

I sometimes wonder if it's okay not to grow up. Sharon gave me this book "Changes That Heal" a while back. It has to do with maturing and growing up. She recently also lent me this book "Under the Feet of Jesus" which is about maturing into womanhood. I guess that says a lot about me. I do know that many a time, I'm rather immature and naive. Sigh. And it doesn't help that more than just a handful of people have said that I look like I'm still 19 (not that I wanna look like an old hag) but somehow I seem to not want to move beyond my present mentality and this chronological age. I am afraid of adulthood and Sharon seems to know it, lol. Pathetic eh? But cannot la. Time for the big move. God. Help.