It's been a hard time struggling with God regarding singing. For this past week, I just simply chose to shut Him out. But I knew He was reaching out to me through many ways, for instance, through a poster on a clinic in my neighborhood. He reminded me that His promises to me still hold true. Which just simply brought my anger to the next level.

It was only until just now during TGIF that I finally broke down and let Him in again. It wasn't easy to let go. To put my trust in Him again.

I knew I couldn't worship Him in spirit and truth if I didn't let go of my anger and my disappointment.

I've been so caught up in my emotions lately that I decided to just not listen to Him anymore. I knew that I could choose to either use this gift He's given me for His purposes or for my own selfish motives. It's true.

I've been so disappointed by what has happened so far with everything in relation to singing. It didn't help that when people around you that you simply want so much to have the approval of don't seem to recognize or even show affirmation.

I know that worship leading is not about myself. It's about Him.

Maybe what I want to do is not worship leading. Maybe what I want to do is to write songs about Him and sing them, without having to be concerned with so many things.