singing

I just watched Delta Goodrem singing "Innocent Eyes" on YouTube. And I realized something. It's sooo easy to fall into that trap of just wanting to showcase your own voice for that fame. I can imagine how easy it is to just enjoy listening to your own voice and manipulating it to make it sound good and knowing that the audience loves every "creative" manipulation that makes the song sound a little different from the previous time you sang it. Once you get that power, it's hard to let go. Once you know that people love your voice and clamor for more just to listen to it, it's hard to forget or let go of that powerful power (for the lack of vocabulary).

On one hand, I want to reach a level of singing that's so fantastic that I know I can manipulate my voice well (Delta Goodrem does it so well). Yet on the other, I don't want to be singing for my own benefit. I want to sing so that people who have yet to know Him can sense from the words that the feelings I express are sincere because all those things that I sing about Him are true. I don't know why and how this could have happened. God's transformation? I no longer want to sing for myself. Is there any point in that? I don't know. It is true that any secular singers (like Delta Goodrem and Mandy Moore) enjoy tons of fame and fortune. But at the end of the day, look at their lives. Hollywood stories of temporary love and fleeting fame that will not last.
But it's a fine line to tread. You need confidence to sing well, which comes from a gradual "accumulation" from practices in front of people. Yet you have to know that it is not a good voice that is really important, but it is your heart that God is looking at and the real feelings that flow out of that heart when you sing about Him, that will move, or at the very least, make the yet-believer want to know more about this God that has touched the lives of many. Fine line that is so easy to tread, over to the dark side. Confidence vs. desire for fame.

Yet when you look at God's worshippers like Anna Button (Paradise) and Darlene Zschech, they lead lives that are full of purpose (God's purpose and will), with families they love and careers that are God-willed. Does that fame really matter? I want to be able to make a promise to Him that I will only ever sing for Him.

Speaking of music, will I one day be able to listen to only Christian music? Many friends know that I like indie pop/rock, along with adult contemporary stuff from Mandy Moore, Howie Day, Rachael Yamagata. Will I be able to give up all of these one day? Lately, I've been listening more and more of Christian music, without needing to listen to secular music. I find that listening to Christian music makes me feel better, more positive, filled with more of His purpose. I admit I like sad and haunting songs that are full of self-pity and wallowing lyrics, but I'm finding that I no longer need to listen to them. Depressing words don't necessarily make you feel better even though you can relate to them well. I guess if you continue listening to songs that "help" you wallow over and over, you tend to get stuck in this old frame of mind that tells you it's okay to be angry with that person, it's okay to feel sad and even dwell on the past. Christian songs, on the other hand, lead you to focus on God, the extent of His love for us and the promises that He has made to us, and that it's time for us to make a stand to declare His wondrous love to people who have yet to know of His truth. It's such an exciting feeling to even type that!! Hahaha. Cos I know His love will shine through the lyrics of songs that are written about Him, to people who need to hear it. Praise the Lord!!!!!